Cabinets where they get dusty.

Also every camera malfunction they try to claim, or footage gone missing, it’s all just an admission of wrong doing.

I can’t imagine the comic cost any more than $10. Maybe I’m wrong, as I’m not an expert in old comics. But I don’t see why you’d sell him the comic. Just be like “Dude, look what I found for you!” and he’ll be like “OH MY GOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDD!!!”

That’s what I love. That’s my payment for when I find cool little things my friends would like. Just the surprise and happyness that they got a cool thing. I don’t need the $10.

Now if that comic cost you like $500, I’d be like “Heeeeeeeeeey, so I found a thing you’d like. You got $500?”

And if it’s too late to contact before the auction ends, welp. Guess they aren’t getting that thing. I will however message the seller and see if he’s planning on relisting the item if it doesn’t sell.

Also, sometimes I just get my friends bad gifts too. Intentionally. I’ll be like “Heeeeey, look what I found while I was out!” and it’s a garden shovel. One of those little tiny ones you hold in your hand as you kneel and dig up plants. Not a great gift. But I like watching them be confused. Plus it gives me an idea of what peoples fake reactions look like.

Then the next week I give them a gothic garden gnome. Personally, I still think that’s an awesome gift. It’s a garden gnome. Except it’s goth. Who wouldn’t love that???

…not sure who that is, and I’m unsure why you’d throw him under the bus for stealing flock cameras.

Hercules was with me all night. We were doing competitive pushups.

He won. Because he’s awesome, and he can balance a spoon on his nose, and he tore down soooooo many flock cameras…I mean…no, not that last one. I don’t know why I said that. He was with me all night in the garage doing push-ups.

Weird take.

“We’re not worried about potentially alienating 10% of our customers. They’ll fall in line and buy digital. We have more megaman collections to pump out from 40 year old NES games on the PS6.”

This would have been more effective in the 90s where people actually hated gay people.

I’m not saying it’s right, or that I agree with it, but in the 90s it was socially acceptable to hate gay people.

Today? Today this looks like an obsolete joke whose punchline no longer lands.

Because I’m not gay, and I’m not a cop, but if I pulled this guy over as a cop, first thing I’d do is prey on this guys insecurities and homophobia.

The bumper sticker no longer points fun at cops, but rather identifies the wearer of said bumper sticker as an asshole.

Should crosspost this to the comicbooks community.

Also…how was the comic?

I will never run for any office. I feel like the campaign part would kill my chances of being elected.

The people who are forced to get to know me always say the same thing.

“I thought you were like some kind of animal abusing serial killer! You just give off serial killer vibes. But now that I know you, I know that’s way off.”

So I don’t think the people would ever choose me.

But if I were in a place of power, first thing I’d do is introduce the 20% tax rule. I don’t care if you make 10 dollars a year, or 10 trillion dollars a year. You pay 20% flat for everyone.

Next thing I’d do is beef up the IRS.

I’d have the IRS preparing a temporary tax return before you even get your W2. The IRS would know what your tax return is supposed to look like. So it you don’t file, or you file very wrong, the IRS moves your return to a team to review. This would be done on a case by case basis.

A lot of these reviews would be correcting simple mistakes. There would be no penalty for these mistakes, though you would need to pay any taxes that hadn’t been paid.

If you’re found to have tried to cheat the system, either through unclaimed earnings, or offshore accounts, or whatever, 20 years in jail. No bail.

And here’s the thing. That money would then go back into the communities. I’d set up food banks in any city that doesn’t have them. I’d fund them. I’ve only ever been to one food bank. The shelves were bare. All the food was off brand. People were treated like cattle. It was very dehumanizing. Which I’m sure is the point.

I’d make them feel like any other grocery store.

I’d also put EVERYONE on snap. Yes, even elon musk. Regardless of your earnings, you get SNAP too.

I’d also include SNAP to include things like toilet paper, and toothpaste, and soap, and any other product that may not be food, but is something that people have a need for daily living.

Then, I’d buy either land, or apartment buildings in really rich areas. I’d make these apartments free for everybody. It would be a slow shift, but studies have proven that cities grow when lower class and upper class people live in and routinely share the same environment. I suspect it would also lower racism. Can’t be mad at “all these immigrants”, if they’re also your neighbors and friends.

I would set up daycares with free daycare. And I’d want these daycares to be under-utilized. I want there to be a situation where if some parent had an emergancy, and needed daycare for 1 day, the daycare would be able to accept the extra child no problem.

I’d also set up universal basic income. It would be paid for by taxes leftover after all the other programs. And it may not be much. It would fluctuate every month. It would also come with a warning NOT to rely on UBI as your only source of income. Because some months might be WAAAAAY lower than other months. It’s basically the remainder.

It also means that rich people won’t like UBI. As they’ll pay 20%, same as everybody else, but they’ll recieve a fraction of what they paid. Whereas a poor person will feel rich.

I’d also have to find a way to control inflation, as these policies will make things go crazy in the short term.

But when voters see me? They’d probably think I was going to take out a rusty hook and peel their skin off.

Of late???

Buddy, the government has been lying since it’s inception! The government on day 1 said “All men are created equally”.

They signed those exact words into a legal document that defines the identity of the newly born country.

Then, after they all agreed that all men are equal, the work day was over, and they all went home where they all owned slaves.

Wait…you had a party and didn’t invite me???

Rude.

Our current government took its cue from Drew Carry.

Everything’s made up, and the points don’t matter.

I mean for gods sake! One of our senators has been dead for weeks, and they’re just weekend at mcconnels over here.

Correction: No they fucking didn’t.

And if you think you saw someone doing this, no the fuck you didn’t.

Yeah…that’s not how copyright works. Just because you bought the game, doesn’t mean pirating isn’t still illegal. If they’re going to catch you, that steam purchase means nothing.

That being said, I pirate all the time, because fuck 'em!

Unless it’s a super small indy team that would actually be hurt by my pirating. Them I’ll support. But Nintendo can fuck off with that anti-rom behavior. I don’t need to pay Nintendo continuously to play Super Mario World. I feel no pity or shame in pirating a game like that. That whole thing goes back to my whole previously mentioned policy on “fuck 'em!”.

You say /s, but that’s the literal exact reason that Microsoft has all the market share.

My solution is much more simple. I just never go outside.

I’ve been ready to riot since 2004. That’s when they changed the fries at McDonalds. Now they suck.

pitchfork ready

Try it, and report back. If you don’t report back, we’ll assume you’re dead, and divide up your collection of POGs.

You shared it with me. Now we’re porn buddies! Jerk brothers! A Wank workout!

You were supposed to sit close enough to the tv to always reach it.