She initially told me she was ok with it, then changed her mind when the opportunities arose. Now I’m torn between my own selfish desires and the life we’ve built together.

They’re known as ‘unicorns’ for a reason. Where I live you aren’t exactly tripping over women that want to be a mistress or join a threesome. My single friends sometimes have ‘friends with benefits’, but they are other singles - they aren’t fucking around with couples or married guys.

We met in our 30s and I wasn’t going to put our life on hold until the chance arose to test it. She genuinely seemed to want it - the constant, unprompted, dirty talk about me with other women when we were intimate really had me sold.

I know I’m cooked now. I was just commenting on how much less cooked I would be, in the same exact situation, if I were gay.

Maybe it’s a location/age thing, but I missed out on all that. I always made it clear up front what I wanted, and they’d often indicate they’re on board initially - until things got serious or an opportunity actually presented itself, then the insecurities came out and suddenly it’s all “Am I not enough for you!?”

In the latest case she really had me convinced, even though an opportunity never arose to put it to the test. Told me she was bi, said she wanted to see me with other women, said she was cool with an open marriage - everything I wanted to hear. It was only after marriage & kids that it became apparent she was NOT actually ok with it.

Funny that you’re having the opposite problem. Grass is always greener…

From what I’ve seen the gay community is full of ‘friends with benefits’. Seems pretty great. Sometimes I resent being straight, where monogomy is basically the only option, and any attempt to break out of it would make me look like a creep.

Once you’ve seen one pair of tits…

…you really want to see the rest of them.